I remember being 32 weeks pregnant (about to turn 33 weeks) laying on the couch, feeling like I was dying. Todd had taken the boys out to get a new tool box. By the time he came home I was begging him to take me to the hospital. I told him just to drop me off and I'd let him know what was going on later so he didn't have to bring the boys in. It was such a struggle to walk and breath to just get into the hospital.
I get in and get hooked up to the monitors, baby sounds/looks great. Me on the other hand, no so much. They hooked me up to an EKG and I was having a heart attack, or had just had one. I was struggling to breath so badly. They had me hooked up to oxygen and transported me in an ambulance to the OTHER SIDE OF THE HOSPITAL! (way to go New Mexico!) to get a CT Scan or an MRI done. I don't know which one it was but they use that fun iodine contrast, which I told them makes it hard for me to breath, and given the fact that I already couldn't breath made it ever more stellar! But the benefits of the contrast outweighed the risk, blah blah blah.. They said I had a pulmonary embolism and I was lucky they caught it because most of the time people just die from them and they don't find them until the autopsy (Really? Is that what you think I need to hear right now?!?! NO its not!) I know they put a central line in to my heart, "just in case". I think it was after this that Todd got there. I don't remember if I called him or the hospital called him though.
A lot of the details after that are funny. I remember going back into my room and them starting me on blood thinners and a few hours later me all of a sudden feeling like Ollie was trying to come out. The OB checked me and sure enough he was, so in an effort to stop my labor and transport me to a different hospital, and shut off and reverse the blood thinner I could have swore the baby was just going to pop out...and guess what....he did! I don't remember seeing him after he was born, I didn't know what he looked like, if he was alive, breathing, where he was, where they took him or anything. As for me, I remember people screaming, the look of fear on my poor husband's face, hearing things crashing, the feel of the nurse putting her hand over mine and putting it on my central line, whispering (or atleast it seemed like it) "Your job is to hold this in and stay alive", lifting my head and seeing a trail of blood on the floor. The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU, Todd by my side. He told me Ollie was okay and they were taking him on the plane to the other hospital. What a tough situation to be in, stay with your wife who just bled out before your eyes and died, then came back to life or stay with your 8 week premature baby! I know I stayed in the ICU for maybe a day. I know Karen and Colin drove down from Colorado to stay with Aiden and Keegan until my mom could fly in. I know some guys from Todd's squadron rushed to the house to stay with Aiden and Keegy until Karen and Colin got to the house so Todd could come be with me. These things I know because they were told to me, I don't remember them...but I remember Todd being there.
In the end, I know I bled out so badly that I ended up needing a total and complete blood transfusion, I flat lined for a little while and I needed a hysterectomy to stop to the bleeding and save my life.
One thing I do sort of remember is my transport to the hospital. I had to ride in the ambulance and I felt so sick. I could see out the back window and I could see Todd's truck behind the ambulance following us. I remember the EMT pulling over and buying me gum to chew so I wouldn't throw up all over "his bus". Getting to the hospital and getting into my room I don't remember. I barely remember them wheeling me down to the NICU to see Ollie. I couldn't even tell you details of the first time I saw & held my baby because I don't remember. That hurts, I can't lie.
They say he was breathing room air really fast and barely needed oxygen (which makes me roll my eyes because now the poor thing can barely breath and they are talking about putting him on oxygen, but that's a whole different story). Oliver was transferred to the ICN after a day or two, and at some point during his ICN stay is where I start to remember things, I think it was about 3 days later I can remember things. The first thing I can remember is my nurse being "mean to me" (she really wasn't. she was trying to help me get on my feet) She told me I couldn't see Ollie until I could get up off the bed myself and put myself in the wheel chair and then she would wheel me down to see him. It took me a while to get up but I did it, and I remember it was late at night, around 11pm. He was sleeping so peacefully and looked so tiny, yet so big compared to all the other babies around him. I know I held him and held his hand, like I'm sure I did many times before, but that was the first time I remember doing so....late at night, all alone in the quiet...just me and my baby.
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